'Twas the Month After Christmas

I found this on myephit.com, and just had to share!

'Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd tasted
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber) -
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The fudge and the fruit cake,
the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt-
I said to myself, as only I can, "You can't spend all winter disguised as a man!"

So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake,
every cracker and chip,
Till all the additional ounces have vanished,
I won't have a cookie - not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie;
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore -
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

--anonymous